...Wishard Hospital notices an exponantial increase in reported cases of "Black Lung," dysentery, and brass-knuckle-induced head traumas due to the influx of Pittsburgh residents on Sunday? — 92%
...Beech Grove's own "Li'l Ronnie" continues to irreparably harm the reputation of Indianapolis
by performing another pre-game Colts rap (despite the repeated written requests from the City/County Council and God that he stop doing this)? — 94%
...Flipside's much anticipated tailgating banner includes the uber-classic "Li'l Ronnie" line,
"We 'bout to CLOWN!" in eight-foot block letters? — 115%
...Jerome Bettis finally beats Bob "Kobayashi" Lamey in their traditional pre-game hot dog eating contest? — 0.3%
...Following his performance, "Li'l Ronnie" gets arrested (and tried as an adult) for taking a swing at a cop? — 50%
...Dominic Rhodes—after spending three solid minutes getting everyone in the Dome "Crunked" up—will bobble the opening kickoff, nonchalantly jog to the 15-yard-line, and ultimately walk right into a 10-person "Smear-the-Queer"-like gang tackle? — 73%
...Willie Parker, in an attempt to confuse Bob Sanders, becomes the first player in NFL history to play an entire game in a dome with mud caked all over his body? — 38%
...a frustrated Peyton Manning stomps on Joey Porter's leg after a play, then threatens to shoot three teenagers at the McDonald's in Broad Ripple later that night? — - 22,079%
...the television-watching audience escapes the telecast without once having to hear how much Hines Ward "just loves to play the game"? — 4%
...Ted Marchibroda twice refers to Antwaan Randle El as "Jack Lambert"? — 51%
...the television-watching audience escapes the telecast without once having to hear how
Hines Ward is "such a great blocker"? — 0.00000%
...Handsome Pete—should he be lucky enough to get interviewed by Dick Wolfsie (or any other local personalitiy) following the win—will give his take on the game as follows: "Hey, we just wanted to come out ready to clown. And you know what? We did...we did"? — 99.9%, depending on the sufficiency of his motor skills and thought-processing functions
...after the Steelers fans check out, local hoteliers will have to aerate their rooms due to the overpowering smells of "10-W-30," "Sex Panther," and feet? — 83%
...Bob Sanders appears on the "Sports Jam w/ Dave Calabro" wearing the Flipside Gear we sent him? — 0.8%
...Ben Roethlisberger shows up for the post-game press conference wearing a beaded necklace, baggy Polo Jeans, and a pair of unlaced Timberlands? — 89%
...following their sound defeat, Pittsburgh fans accuse the Colts of pumping "articficial light" into the Dome? — 78% |
