Remember Hard to Kill?  That was the film where Steven Seagal was in a seven-year coma, snapped out of it, and then quickly and seamlessly resumed doing what he did best: hunting down those who had wronged him.  Frankly, it was Seagal at his finest.  (While we're on the subject, the man was a comet: he burned brightly and left us way too soon.  And that movie pretty much defined my generation's attitude towards ass-kicking.  That and Red Dawn.  But that's not why we're here.) 

Why am I mentioning it?

Because it's relevant to this IU team.  It's relevant to tonight's loss to Butler.

Listen, I'm not here to kick a man when he's down (in Alabama ), but we all know it to be true: IU Basketball has been in a coma for quite some time.  For the better part of a decade, the program has essentially been unconscious, motionless, and developing gaping bed wounds.  And according to a doctor-friend of mine, it takes a bit more than Kelly LeBrock and a dozen Tibetan incense candles to regain your form.  In fact, from what I gathered, if your name isn't Mason Storm, you basically have to relearn everything.  From scratch.  And that's if you're lucky. 

So that brings us to tonight, where we have a groggy IU program—about 15 figurative minutes after waking up from a Category-5 supercoma—and they basically take a dump all over gown and gurney.  They lose to Butler. 

You know what?  Big f---ing deal.  Criticizing a newly awakened coma patient for deficating themselves is like…well, it's like criticizing a newly awakened coma patient for deficating themselves.  Is it bothersome?  Sure.  Unexpected?  No.  Should it be grounds for concern?
Absolutely not.

Because although the delusional Hard to Kill faction of the IU fan base wanted to see the ass-kicking quickly and seamlessly resume—sans the incontinence—the realists among us were pleased to merely see some toes wiggle.  After all, the only thing we had even hoped to see was some semblance of improvement.

And through the first two games of the Post Coma Era, that's exactly what we saw.  And that's rather encouraging.  Our main thought?  At least the program is awake.  Finally.

So let's just take a deep breath and relax.  The Hoosiers are in the process of relearning everything from scratch…they're relearning how to play basketball again.  The right way.  The Chiefly way.  And unless 1990-Kelly LeBrock somehow becomes involved, this won't be easy.  Nor quickly achieved.  

In the meantime, let's examine the progress; let's examine how IU Basketball appears to be on the path to recovery. 

Below, I've outlined that which demonstrates the toe-wiggling improvement in Indiana Basketball.  Are they going to keep soiling themselves from time to time?  Probably.  But we need not worry.  Because in the bigger scope of things, the only thing that matters is this: IU basketball is awake. 

And you can take that to the bank...the blood bank.

(You had to know that was coming.  You just had to.  It took every ounce of restraint to even wait this long to unleash it.  I'll just shut up now.  On to the toe-wiggles.)         

_____________________________________________________________________


ACCOUNTABILITY
Clearly, Chief demands it.  And certainly, it's a welcomed—almost forgotten—trait of Indiana Basketball.  For example, while sitting across from the IU bench at  the Lafayatte game last night, Handsome Pete and Larry Phelps and myself pretty much started hoping for Hoosier mistakes just to see Chief's reaction.  Because it would most definitely be swift.  And unambiguous.  And all kinds of fun. 

This isn't a joke: if Chief were firing wads of $100 bills out of a t-shirt cannon, we would have been no more giddy.  It's all we could talk about.

Know this, DJ and Earl and Rod and everyone else: if you so much as improperly pivot, you're coming out.   No block-out?   You're out and you're getting a verbal colonoscopy in front of 15,000 people.   Bail out on taking a charge?   Take a seat, sailor...and may God have mercy on your soul.  Because Chief won't.

Here's what we learned after the first two games: gone are the days of IU coaches placing the blame on the refs (which we'll get to later), the mean fans, the raucous crowd, the biased media, the inexperience of the team, a cold gym, a warm gym, a bad flight, and/or a statewide conspiracy against the program.  It's on the players now.  And they know it.    

The toes...they are a-wigglin'.  


DEFENSE
Were there too many backdoors given up?  Yep.  Some lackadasical help-side rotations?  Uh-huh...a lot of them.  But you know what?  Team defense takes time and coaching.  Individual defense takes balls and effort.  And this team seems to have plenty of all that.

I'll just say this: when IU absolutely, unequivocally needed the ball back, they didn't foul.  They dug in.  And if it weren't for an off-balance, insanely lucky, 34-foot bank shot that somehow went in, they succeed.   

Chief's decision to not foul there in the closing seconds will bring with it much criticism. 
But not from me.  We wanted a defensive-minded team?  Well, we obviously just got one.  Because—right or wrong— that's what defensive-minded teams do in those situations.        
(You can't see me, but I'm sitting here nodding affirmatively.  Very confidently.) 


THE GUY IN THE AJ MOYE JERSEY SITTING BEHIND VITALE AND SHUMAN TONIGHT
On behalf of every IU fan watching on television...we will find you.  And we will make you pay for what you have done.  Why?  Because you and your gold choke-chain just reinforced 8,350 different negative stereotypes of Indiana, and you probably just kept four or five
blue-chip recruits from coming here.  You stupid f---ing bastard.   

So how is this progress?  Not sure.  But it needed to be said.     


SET PLAYS OUT OF TIMEOUTS
The Comatose Hoosiers of old weren't afraid to break from a timeout, stumble their way
to a well-deserved shot clock violation, and initiate 8.3 million simultaneouis gag reflexes.
It was pretty much their M.O. (their "Mike Offense"). 

(In case you didn't know, the most efficient—the most accurate—way to spot a well-coached team is to monitor what they do offensively coming out of timeouts.  In their six years under Davis, the Hoosiers scored exactly 0.7% of the time in those situations.  Feel free to go ahead and repeatedly slam your forehead against the corner of your desk.)

After the first timeout against Butler, IU came out and ran a wicked screen-the-screener play
which freed DJ up for a dunk.  In all seriousness, if Wilmont would have faked a heart-attack
along the baseline to serve as a diversion, I don't think I would've been any more shocked.  It was like I wasn't even watching IU. 

And I guess that's the point.     


RESPONSIVENESS
At halftime of the Butler game, Chief spoke with the ESPN sideline reporter—the only female in America under the age of 83 named "Doris."  Anyway, he told her that they needed some "easy baskets" and that they needed to get Calloway and DJ involved.  He very much looked like a man who wasn't kidding.

First play of the second half?  A Calloway layup.  Second play?  A DJ White layup.  And I'm guessing that wasn't a coincidence.        

The point?  Not only are these kids now accountable, but they're being coached.  And for the most part, they're doing as they're told.  Or at least they're trying to.       

Nurse!  Nurse!  Come quick!    


NO BLAMING THE REFS
How long would Mike Davis have lasted against Butler?  Eight minutes?  Twelve?  Probably somewhere in between.  Because after the third horrendous call, he would have been thrown out after running to center court and palm-thumping his head 228 times in six seconds.  And the off-the-charts "YouTube Factor" of his post-game interview might have caused the site to crash.  (I almost wished I could have seen it.  Almost.)        

And to be honest, if there was ever a game to protest childishly...this was it.  The refs
fist-f---ed IU in every way imaginable.  And yet, from Chief...we hear nothing.  He placed the blame where it belonged: on he and his players. 

Was it the most indicative sign that things are changing?  It's close.  But it probably doesn't top the...


EFFORT
There's been 80 minutes of game time so far this year, and there's been 80 minutes of ass-busting.  By everyone.  And really, when it comes right down to it...what more do we want?  What more can we ask for?

If IU loses while playing hard, so be it.  We can live with that.  (For now.)  Because the other aspects will come.  In time. 

Remember: these kids are completely relearning the game of basketball.  They're relearning everything.  They have no choice.  Metaphorically speaking, they've been in a coma for years. 

So if they end up soiling the bed every once in a while, that's fine.  It's to be expected.   

At least IU Basketball is finally awake.          
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Hard to Criticize
Hard to Criticize