RG — Hi there.  I’m Rick.  And who might you be?

MD — Who the hell do you think I am?  Geeez.  Why you always doing this, Rick? Listen...do I get to coach for another year and stuff or what?

[long pause]

RG — I’m Rick.  I like your sweater vest.

MD — Quit playin', Rick.  Remember when we met last time?  You said you’d grade me and stuff on my coaching skills.  Aren’t you supposed to like, grade me, or something? 

RG — No.  I don’t recall that.  Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my office? 

MD — I told you already.  Geeeeez!  I’m Mike Davis, the kick-ass basketball coach.  And you’re my boss and stuff.  You’re supposed to like, grade me and whatnot.  You know...examine my entire body of art or something.  I don't know, this was your idea.

RG — I'll be damned.  I guess we should get down to it then. So, you're here because...?

MD — Because I'm the basketball coach.  And I'm probably the most bad-ass "Joust" player that I know of.  And I don't care what you heard, my name ain’t “Radio.”  That shit ain't funny.  My name is Mike.  Or "Ninja Mike."  Whichever you prefer.  And you sposed to be grading me.

RG — Okay.  Now we're getting somewhere.  Tell me how your season went, Radio.

MD — I guess we were pretty much like the most bad-ass team in the country.  We was a young team too.  And we had like the hardest schedule in the history of basketball and stuff. And if a few breaks went our way, we were like 28-and-1.

RG — Twenty-eight-and-one?!  Wow!  That's really impressive.
You must be a great coach.  Tell me this, Radio: do you like ice cream?

MD — Yeah.  It's -- [inaudible mumbling] 

RG — You'll have to speak up.

MD — I said, it’s pretty much my favorite food I guess.  And I also like tots.  And "Subway."  Wait a sec...I got an idea.  I’ll give you my "Subway" stamps and stuff if you let me coach for a little longer.  Deal?

RG — I don't know.  I do like a good "Subway" veggie sandwich from time to time. 

MD — Do you eat veggie sammiches because you think you’re fat?  'Cause you ain’t.  You could totally eat a Taco Bell “Grande” if you wanted to. 

RG — I like you, Radio.  But -- 

MD — It’s "Ninja Mike!"  Idiot!  Geeeeeeeez!

RG — -- be that as it may, I still don’t know why you’re here.

MD — Don’t you remember?!  You’re supposed to like, decide whether to fire me or not.  Examine my entire body of art or some shit like that.  God, don’t you know anything?!  This is like the worst day of my entire life!

RG — I don't know, Radio.  I'm not a big art fan.  Should I fire you? 

MD — No way, Rick.  Uh-uh.  We had a good season and stuff.  We were like 28-and-1 if you don’t count the butt-load of times we got screwed.  And we was like the fourth seed in the Big Ten tournament.   

RG — Twenty-eight-and-one?!  Wow!  That’s really impressive. You must be a great coach.  What else did you do?

MD — I don’t know.  We was like the #4 seed in the Big Ten tournament and junk.  That was pretty righteous.  And when we flew to that cold-ass place to play that one team, I drew some kick-ass pictures of Marco Killingsworth during the plane ride.  And I guess I also came up with some "magic pills" that I gave to Marshall.  They were pretty sweet.  

RG — Magic pills, eh?  Were they shiny magic pills?

MD — Kind of.  They were Vicodins.   

RG — Fascinating.  What say you, Radio...do you like ice cream?

MD — Yeah.  A lot.  But I kind of told you that already.  Idiot! 

RG — I like you, Radio.  I could use a man like you.  Tell you what: I have a memo here saying that we’re going to need a new basketball coach pretty soon.  And seeing how you seem to know some of the guys' names on the team, I'm thinking you're a good fit.  You want the job?

MD — Yeah.  That’d be pretty sweet, I guess.

RG — You’re hired.  Welcome aboard, Radio.  I’ll alert the media.
Transcript of the Davis/Greenspan
end-of-the-year meeting

— March 21, 2005 (10:26 am) —
March 22, 2005