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| March 12, 2005 Pretty nice that we were the 2nd site that he mentioned. Pretty retarded that we were ranked behind SportsPickle.com. (That's like getting beaten in the Nielsens by "She's The Sheriff.") Devon Durrant, in an email responding to the "Flak Magazine" sports-site rankings Regardless, the phrase "Like ditch weed through a Coke can" will forever be Flipside's official sub-title. Seriously. _______________________________________________________________ Bravo, to Roy Hobbson's Henman awards. Thoroughly agreed with every recipient, but especially John Daly and Jean Van De Velde. With every domestic violence charge, and latest marriage/divorce to some boozy, trailer trash, bottle blond; big John just never fails to live up to his image on and off the course. Also, will never forget Van De Velde's triumphant "tigeresque" fist pump at dropping that 6 footer for triple bogey on 18 to preserve a playoff that predictably ended with his sound drubbing at the hands of "Mr. One-and-Done" Paul Lawrie. How completely French! Derek Andrews If you HAD to choose between Daly, Van De Velde and Tyrone Hill to be the national spokesman for your widget company, who would you choose? (And yes...that question has an 85% chance of appearing in the next Roundtable.) _____________________________________________________________ Any of you boys have the photo of Coach Mike Davis looking at the Coaching for Dummies book with the lady with a gun to her head in the background? I can’t find it! Thanks and keep up all the good work! PKersey No...but with God as our witness, if such a photo exists, we WILL find it. (Or Photopshop one while trying.) ______________________________________________________________ How we suppose to beat a team when the Officials each received a gift basket from the Oscars before the game? How is the NCAA not investigating how Kammron Taylor flies to Hollywood over the weekend, hosts a nationally televised award show, and return in time to take part in an "amateur" college basketball game? I refuse to believe that Kammron Taylor and Chris Rock are not the same person. You will never see the two in the same room at the same time. [See attached photos] Keith Conrad You're exactly right. If Taylor ever makes it to the And-1 Mix Tape Tour, he should be called "Rufus, the 13th Apostle." We need to make this happen. ______________________________________________________________ Best article I ever read on the site. The topic pisses me off and Devon summed it up perfectly. The next step is to find out who can change it other than the IHSAA and nag them. This would be a great cause for flipside to spear head. -CJH When we're done spearheading the "Let's-get-Kammron-Taylor-onto-the-And-1-Tour-and-call-him-Rufus" campaign, we'll get right on it. ______________________________________________________________ By the way, as the guy who hit the free throws to beat North Central in the 93 Hinkle Sectional, I can confirm for you that we DID in fact go to school the next day. We had to get ready to knock off Lawrence Central, and get their coach fired as well. But let's not talk about the sectional final game against LN; it is still too painful to discuss. Yours truly, "The Bobby Hurley of Park Tudor" (as per WTTV-4 color commentator George McGinnis) We like Devon's version better. In fact, we heard you got the day off from school and drove around the Monument Circle clockwise in convertible Corvettes that were donated to you by Bill Estes. _______________________________________________________________ The Scoop Hierarchy is money. But where would would you put watching Whoopi Goldberg in 'Eddie'? It was incredibly uncomfortable, but it wasn't humorous.......and it probably doesn't rise to the level of 'life altering'. Just curious. C. Lambert It probably goes in the "Confusing Uncomfortableness" Level. However, because that movie most likely paved the way for Violete Palmer to become an NBA ref, it might actually rise to the level of "Life-Altering." We'll let history decide. ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ February 23, 2005 I think it's time for Flipside to do a tribute (as only flipside can do) to the best collegiate referee of all time...Ted Valentine. I think he's the person who the black guy is based on in the movie "Boogie Nights". -BP Meyer Actually, you may be on to something. Whether the following is too much of a sweeping categorization or not, we don't know...we're not qualified to say. But ALL black referees have cool porn names: Ted Valentine, Ed Hightower, Anfernee Lovesauce, Ed T. Rush...etc. It's amazing. (Note to ex-NBA journeyman Buck Johnson: heed the call and fulfill your destiny. Become a ref. Complete the phenomenon.) _______________________________________________________________ The article the "Humiliation of Being That Guy" and "Response" - it had a kind-of-a "Roxanne-Roxanne" and "Roxanne's Revenge" thing going on. I liked it. When will That Guy and Dottie plan to play tennis in the Astrodome? Sincerely, Michael Turner Does "That Guy" refer to Willie C or Billy Gene King? _______________________________________________________________ I understood the tennis reference (let's be clear, I am no Riggs to [Dottie's] King), but I didn't get the Roxanne thing. Too obscure for me. When I think of "Roxanne," I think of the movie and Steve Martin's long, glistening, moist, protruding...um, gotta go. -Willie C, responding to a forward of Michael Turner's email [awkard silence] _______________________________________________________________ Love it! The pink is fab! Looks like the color of my nail polish right now. Nice work in bringing it all together! -Dottie Hinson ("That Flipside Broad") commenting on the appearence of her debut article in an email to our longtime editor/janitor, Slappy "Fab?" "Nail polish?" Chirst, Dottie. What's next? Are you going to start nagging on us about how we don't communicate anymore during the Flipside staff meetings? Let's try not to "girl up" the joint. _______________________________________________________________ [Dottie] is good. Real good. The no-sweat, no-hair approach and the JCC joan were pretty damned funny. Sign her up. And Willie's mirror-in-his-pocket line is priceless. -Devon Durrant, in an email to Handsome Pete, critiquing the two Flipside rookies From Webster's Dictionary of Uber-Caucasian Suburban Slang (1988 ed.): _______________________________________________________________ Flipside.... You know how some bars post the sports page above the urinals....you guys should talk some of the local ones into putting up some of your stuff. You get publicity -- us drunk people get a good laugh while pissing -- its a win-win situation. What do you think? -Andrew K. The material on Flipside is confusing enough to the sitting, sober, trying-hard-to-concentrate-guy in his cubicle. Can you imagine how baffling the stuff on here would appear to a standing, inebriated, trying-hard-not-to-sway-into-his-own-stream-of-piss-guy? It would create all kinds of confusion...and not just normal confusion, but intense, infuriating, Japanese-animation-levels of confusion. _______________________________________________________________ Me needs the [Martha] clip…..My precious…. -Kurt Smith In 10 years—God willing—Smeagol quotes will replace emoticons as expressions of humor/anger/schizophrenia in all emails and chat-rooms. In the meantime, though, they're just a good way to get your Flipside responses posted. _______________________________________________________________ Hey guys. Could you please send me the Martha video? I was just thinking about that last week. I miss that video and IU basketball. By the way, what was with all the movement on offense in the last couple of games? That's so weird. Your website is great. I love how you dumb-down your writing styles to make it seem like you're all thirtysomethings that went to HS in southern Indiana instead of the journalism majors making thousands of dollars for every article that you really are. Pure genius. The Napoleon Dolemite resume is hilarious even if you forgot to include "If you hire me, I'll make all your wildest dreams come true." That reminds me, has JMV completed his Cage-Fighter training yet? Every time I see that picture of him in the stormtrooper get-up, I think of that Star Wars kid video at http://www.jedimaster.net/ Vote for Pedro. Kevin D. Flipside (Express) Response: IU offense now good..thanks for the love...we're from Indy, not Paoli...we LOSE money on Flipside...our majors were, respectively: general studies, general studies, criminology, sociology, general studies, and women's lib...not putting your Napoleon line in the resume is Flipside's all-time most egregious error (seriously)...and finally, JMV also reminds us of that Jedi Kid, but more mulletted. _______________________________________________________________ I remember Martha singing that song when I was a kid, growing to love IU basketball. Could you send me that clip so I can relive those days? -Eric Davis [Our actual response:] You got it. (And BTW, you had the all-time coolest stance in the batter's box.) [Eric's reply:] Thanks. I didn't need steroids...I just chomped on my gum really hard. THEY STOLE IT FROM US! Stupid, fat Hobbitses. Curse them! That "chomped my gum" line is ours!! They stoles it from us! Sneaky little Hobbitses...wicked, tricksy, false!! ___________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________ February 17, 2005 Sometimes it's neccessary for a Div. I team to score more than 44 points in order to win a game. Good God. -T. McCabe (recieved moments after IU's loss to Ohio State) That's not true. The Evansville Lady Aces once scored 26 points in 1972 in a win over Northeast Kentucky University. And they're D-1. _______________________________________________________________ Holla Flipside: Friday night, I went to the Lawrence North v. Carmel h.s. b-ball game with some friends last Friday at LN...it was sold out, in the little cracker box LN gym. Good people watching...EXCEPT FOR the LN parents. These LN parents (parents not of players in the game, but of other LN students mind you) sat around us and WERE ABSOLUTELY THE WORST BEHAVED PARENTS/FANS I HAVE EVER WITNESSED AT A SPORTING EVENT IN MY LIFE! Someone at Flipside, PLEASE attend a LN/Greg Oden game and sit in the LN parent's section and write an article about it....you will be consumed with fury, ashamed of mankind and be entertained to no end all at the same time. Philadelphia's got nothing on these LN parents/"fans." I guarantee it... I have to vent my frustration at what I witnessed on Friday. Please, someone at Flipside attend a Greg Oden LN game....you won't believe what you see/hear! It would make for a fantastic article. Michael S. Byron Those fans aren't bad...they're just young. Wait 'til you see the fans LN has coming in next year! All kinds of talent. And don't forget, those are the same fans who cheered LN to a state-title in 1989! So they can't be that bad. You're just a racist, Mr. Byron. You make us sick. _______________________________________________________________ Subj: Linda Cohn Please write an article blasting this Psuedo-sports announcer for ESPN. I now turn off SportsCenter, my favorite program, whenever she is on. She is obnoxious, loud, shrill, and just plain unfit for sports programming (not to mention unattractive in many different ways). Request an email campaign to ESPN to have her removed permanently. This must be done. Stacey Paetz would be more welcome in her place in my opinion. Thank you. Stuart Brazie Right up until the "Stacey Paetz would be more welcome" line, you were looking like an "Email of the Year" candidate. Live and learn. _______________________________________________________________ Hey [Devon], have your buddies at Flipside do an article on Linda Cohn of ESPN. SHE SUCKS SO BAD. And she is ugly and fat. I can't stand seeing her on SportsCenter. I turn it off now whenever she is on. Have them do an article and we will email blast it to ESPN.com. They need to take her off. God she is gross and obnoxious. E.A. Flipside goes 948 consecutive days without a Linda Cohn email, and then we get two in a matter of hours? She's bad...but she's not Stuart-Scott-bad. And under NO circumstances is she Stacey-Paetz-bad. Regardless, she earned a Dickey. So there. _______________________________________________________________ check out the link and vote often. http://www.amiannoying.com/view.aspx?ID=6579 Everytime I see her, I flash back to "So I married an Axe Murderer." ("Heeeed, paper. The boy's heads like Sputnik, its pointy at parts.") -Keith Conrad Now that's more like it. Welcome to immortality, Keith...you just submitted an "Email of the Year" candidate. _______________________________________________________________ And in future news, the ESPN.com's controversial "writer" the Sports Guy, Bill Simmons, was found dead in a remote field in southern Ripley County, Indiana... "Tank (Indy): Please keep bad mouthing JAX not being big enough for a Super Bowl. Here in Indy, as a lure to try to get people to pay for a new stadium, they are talking that it could lead to a Super Bowl. Seriously! I agree with you that the Super Bowl shouldn't be outside of Miami, New Orleans, and San Diego. Unless of course your Vegas idea takes flight...I can only imagine the world descending on Vegas for a Super Bowl. Bill Simmons: I, for one, would be DELIGHTED at an Indy Super Bowl... I could do a pilgrimmage to French Lick, check out Milan, etc etc... I've always wanted to go there. Of course, like 5 other people feel this way, but I don't care. I'm road-tripping to Indy in the next 2 years." (excerpt from the SG's chat today) -Nick L. (This is when we decided to offer Nick a coveted intern position with Flipside, what with his uncanny ability to find EVERY SINGLE Indiana-related story on the internet and all. Here's his response...) Is "Intern" a higher level position than Occasional Contributor? I have my doubts. I guess I'll keep my status as most-posted and least-ridiculed reader response guy. Fine. The world needs ditch-diggers too, Nicky. _______________________________________________________________ [In case you want to read some of the 1,000+ emails regarding the Martha-the-Cleaning-Lady clip, here are a few of them] _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ January 19, 2005 Was MJ not great because he couldn't beat the Pistons for a few years? Was Magic better than Bird because because Magic didn't win Player of the Year, he won the NCAA tournment. Magic din't win the Rookie of the Year. Magic won the 1980 NBA Championship. Hmm, which trophies do you think Larry would have rather won?...Sometimes it takes great players to beat great teams...most of the time though it takes a great player a little longer to beat a great team and make their team great. The Pats will eventually get theirs...and the Colts are a good team...it's just all the homers in Indy expect a Championship because it has been so long since the city won anything. Get a D-FENSE!!! Don't spend money on a RB when you need a D to get to the Super Bowl...especially when you don't use that RB to get to the Super Bowl. -Jason B We forwarded this sentence on to those linguistic scientists who deciphered the Rosetta Stone: "...Sometimes it takes great players to beat great teams...most of the time though it takes a great player a little longer to beat a great team and make their team great." Maybe they'll be able answer whatever question it is you're asking. ______________________________________________________________ This just in from the local branch of People Who Actually Followed the Colts Season in its Entirety: The Colts D lost a whopping one game. This was at the Chiefs, a team that perhaps better fits your Colts assessment. @NE week one was lost because of three red zone turnovers, a late sack, and a missed fg (though there is a good chance a defensive backup is on the fg unit I guess). The O was not itself vs JAX, and @ Den is moot. You can't tell me you wouldn't have been thrilled to hear me say the Pats will only score 20 points last Sunday. Resign Edge. Draft D. Doss, Saunders, Freeney & Co. will be a year older, a year wiser, and a year better. Wise up. Hoping that w/ this rant I can finally get on w/ the rest of my life, -DC This just in from the local branch of People Who Won't Be Getting Their Respective Spines Ripped Out Today: You said "Saunders." It's "Sanders." As in Bob. Bob Sanders. (We'd be covering ourselves in mud right about now if we were you.) ______________________________________________________________ You guys are just a bunch of no talent having assholes who sit their fat asses on the coach (sic) and watch indiana basketball and criticize other people on shit you wish you could do but never had the talent to become. So once you become an expert and have played the game maybe we would value your opinion, but until then keep your dumb ass opinions to yourself. Look at the talent Mike Davis has brought here in a year they will be on top of the league then I would like to hear what you say about Mike then! Just let it go, let it go! -YM Shhhhhh. The grown-ups are talking right now. ______________________________________________________________ Just wanted to say that I like your site----keep up the good work. We usually do an edition each week with at least a news, feature, and sports story. A few weeks ago I was at a loss to write a sports story so I linked to your Pimp My Team story. A lot of people enjoyed it. A friend said you guys are based in Indiana, so now and then I will link to one of your stories from our home page if you don't mind. Our traffic is up and down, but we had over a million views in 2004, so it might be some good free publicity for your site. Take it easy, Josh Whicker Editor HoosierGazette.com Can you use our material? Sure. The more (co-defendants) the merrier. ______________________________________________________________ Thought you might like to know that the term "bad-ass guarwards" cannot be spoken in my office without a number of people laughing hysterically. Thank you for that. -Tom C Is "laughing hysterically" some kind of street slang for "vomitting from disappointment?" ______________________________________________________________ How many times an hour does WNDE 1260 play that f#!@ing "Community Chrysler" commercial? Tell JMV to use some pull over there and get rid of it before I start throwing water fountains thru windows. -Jeff T, Rockin' the Ripple since '93 "Community Chrysler" has done the impossible: they've provided yet another reason to despise Martinsville. ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ January 9, 2005 Just want to do my part to make sure that Flipside really has its finger on the pulse of Indy sports idiocy. If Paul B wasn't famous before, he certainly is now. Not sure what my favorite part of this article is; Stephen Jackson referring to a BR Cyrus song, JO admitting he is friends with Paul B, or the soon-to-be-persecuted 19-year-old who named Elton John as one of his 3 favorite artists. I imagine a tear rolled down his father's face as those words came out of his mouth... www.indystar.com/articles/2/206816-7612-179.html [the full-page article praising DJ Paul B and his mad skillz] -Nick L. Our favorite part of the DJ Paul B article? We also liked Stephen Jackson talking about "Achy Breaky Heart." That was funny. And we liked it when God was quoted as saying, "Let fire and plagues rain from the sky as all of humanity must now suffer the consequences of their actions." Good stuff. But we REALLY liked how that 77-year-old lady said that DJ Paul B was "too damn loud." That was classic. *We may have made up that part about God being quoted. **That didn't really happen. ***But that's not to say that He isn't thinking it. ****What with D.J. Paul B getting a full-page layout in a metropolitan newspaper and all. *****For, you know...for being nothing more than a D.J. at Pacers games. ******A D.J. who strives to "keep it bumpin' up in here." ______________________________________________________________ First time I visited your site, and all I can say is...Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! -J. Mason We don't know if that's supposed to be good or bad. So we're just going to assume that it's sexual. ______________________________________________________________ Flipside, Xzibit, etc. - Get over yourselves! Pick on your own alma mater if you even have one. Whether tongue-in-cheek or serious is not the point. Your "pimping" of the Indiana basketball team was and still is pathetic. Once again, pick on your own alma mater if you even have one. You have proven only that you respect nothing, think only of your own so-called "pimped-out", crummy, partially educated selves. I would expect nothing more out of you for actually making a living for having no talent. Keep your "bling" to yourselves, learn to speak proper english and do yourself a favor and have someone teach you some class. You continue to prove me right by your waste-of-space articles such as the aforementioned one. You want a good laugh? Look in the mirror. -David Hamilton (Not shown: the anger-filled drawing of a "liger" that accompanied this email. The "liger" was shown eating the entire Flipside staff.) ______________________________________________________________ I dont care what anyone says, this is the funniest thing I have ever seen. Keep it up bro. -Dan L. Yeah, f--- David Hamilton. Don't listen to him, bro. ______________________________________________________________ Have you over there ever tabled the question about which sport athlete you would least like to have introduced as your cellmate if you ever went to prison? I can think of a few that would cause me to have a seizure if the occassion ever took place. 1. Mike Tyson (history of assault and would be unmedicated) 2. Ray Lewis (his miked up persona pobably is mild to real life) 3. Kyle Turley (insane) 4. Ron Artest (my creativity can't match what would pobably be reality) 5. Dale Davis (purely due to Shaun Souers story) Though undoubtedly Mike Vanderjagt would be enthused about any of these scenarios. Also, I was watching the Hoosiers the other night and noticed a striking similarity between Mike Davis's offense and that played in wheelchair basketball. The man is an innovator. Jim - Fort Wayne raised, IU schooled The "Hierarchy of Terrible Sports-Related Cellmates" is as follows: Tyson, Artest, Turley, Vernon Maxwell, Shaun Souers, Mark Patrick, anyone from the Cobra Kai dojo, Johnny Miller, this guy, Doug Christie, Marla Hooch, Kellan Winslow, anyone from Detroit, and Tom Emanski. _____________________________________________________________ You guys are friggin geniuses. Keep up the good work. Suffering IU Alum (In our reply, we questioned his understanding of the word "genius." We explained how he had grossly misused the term, and how that misuse was most likely caused by IU's recent nosedive and his delusion stemming therefrom. He was quick to reply with this gem...) Actually, I am too pragmatic to actually care all that much. Can't even watch the full game when they happen to be on CBS or ESPN out here on the left coast (Redmond, WA), which is reflective of the sorry state of the program. But you're right. Merely clever. Caio. Damn straight. _____________________________________________________________ Question: Which of these two has the better fiscal policy record? George W. Bush, or the IU Athletic Department? Also, will Purdue choosing Matt Painter over Thad Matta for basketball coach rank ahead of the Packers taking Tony Mandarich over Barry Sanders in the 1989 NFL draft? -Jake in LP, IN Jake, pick on your own alma mater, if you even have one. You are a stupid face. Why don't you pick on your own alma mater, if you even have one. Hey there, waste-of-space...if you want a good laugh, why don't you stick your head up a butcher's ass and...wait. Nevermind. You should just stick to picking on your own alma mater, if you even have one. Idiot! Geeeez. ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ January 4, 2005 Did you see the article over the holidays about the IU hoops assistant coach that we stole away from the revered Florida Int'l Univ program? He's been helping the Hoosiers keep their chins up as he had experience with several long losing streaks during his brief tenure at ol' FIU. Would it be too much to get an assistant on IU's bench with some ties to the Midwest ? Between he and the guy from Utah that looks like he's in the Blue Man Group (without the blue latex makeup), I'm unimpressed. -T. Reasoner Hold on...we're currently Googling pictures of the Blue Man Group to get this upcoming article just right. ______________________________________________________________ Dear Flipside, I recently had to give a 20 minute presentation over whatever I wanted for a job interview. I chose Indiana basketball. I want to thank you for much of the material provided in The Dark Years of Indiana Basketball, the Emergency Rant, and an e-mail you sent me awhile back on Mike Davis's complicated offense (and by complicated, I mean lack thereof). I was a Mike Davis supporter until basically this season and was previously blinded by optimism. Although I hope our Hoosiers can somehow salvage the season, it seems as long as Coach D is here, we will be subject to the old Cubs proverb..."Wait until next year." Thank you for showing me the light. Keep up the good work! Recent IU grad, David PS: I just re-read My Day with the Vipers and for the second time was in tears from laughing. Maybe the best piece of journalism ever written. I think you should add it to the vault on the homepage. Regarding our getting you through college...you're welcome. Regarding the Vipers props...you obviously need to lay off the weed. You're in the real world now, Dave. ______________________________________________________________ You guys need to ease off Mike Davis a little bit. Granted, he may be in a little over his head but he's getting better. And the recruiting class he got for 2005-2006 is one of the best in the country. I know that you probably won't post this on your anti-Davis site, but it's worth mentioning. Other than that, keep up the good work. -R. Campbell Mmm-hmm. General George Custer was "in a little over his head" too. ______________________________________________________________ Has college basketball in this state been at a lower level since the peach basket? Between the pathetic imitation of offense that is Indiana University, and the complete lack of talent that is Gene Keady's final year, IU and Purdue have now sunk to a depth I cannot recall in Indiana since guys were jacking 27-foot two-hand set shots in games(which really isn't different from IU, except the IU guys are leaping and not squared up). It's remarkable that as a Wisconsin fan, I'm now in position to give advice on how IU and Purdue can reach my school's level in something other than "how to drink professionally at your school's Union." Keep up the good work, Jake in LP, IN This is great. No matter who your team is, they're probably better than IU. Any Penn State fans want to join in on the IU-bashing? What about all you Cooley Law School grads? Now's the time. ______________________________________________________________ If Mike Davis were white, you guys would be all on his n***s for the talent he's bringing to B-town. Get over yourselves. -SRJ If Mike Davis were white, he'd have been fired about three years ago. |
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| joan — (jon) 1. -n- an insult; a put-down (usage: Andy considered it a joan when Meagan called him "green.") 2. -v- the act of insulting (usage: Brian joaned on Steven when he compared him to "Doug Plug," the gayest of all the Garbage Pail Kids...Steven, in turn, joaned on Brian when he called him a "dickweed.") |
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