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| December 27, 2005 Dear Flipside Staff- I just wanted to point out to Pete M. that "She Nay Nay" (sic) was not a character on In Living Color. "She Nay Nay" was on Martin. Jamie Foxx's she-male character on In Living Color was named Wanda. Also, thanks for posting this. I'm the guy who emailed you and asked you to post my email. I'll let you know if I have any other great ideas. The Bird Calling out another reader + Historical accuracy + Biting sarcasm while calling out the same reader again = Email of the Year candidate. (Of course, all roads go through Heather Williams. As we sit here today, she's the USC to your Texas, Mr. Bird.) _____________________________________________________________________ SUBJECT: Chargers Article Roy, Can you please put up a picture of Sammy Baugh so we can see this QB wonder. Ted Marchibroda and Mike Ditka mention him along with the likes of Dan the Man, Montana and P Manning. I just want to know whether he played with no helmet, a leather helmet, or a one-bar helmet. Thanks. Handsome Pete, from an inner-office email That would be the famed no-bar leather helmet, Handsome. That's why Baugh—just like every other player from that era—has a nose that looks all mangled and grotesque and repeatedly broken. Just like Kathy Griffin's. _____________________________________________________________________ Nice coup with Gallo sitting in this month. Who are you going to have sit in next month? I'd like to suggest either Tom Arnold or the equally well respected Skip Bayless. I hope the Cold Pizza tards don't botch the James Dungy story tomorrow. Rob H. Hopefully—with God's help—Heather Williams will be sitting in on the next Roundtable. As best we figure, that would be a monumental piece...and it would be the closest we would ever get to a Pulitzer Prize. _____________________________________________________________________ I noticed that you guys aren't bashing Mike Davis after his win over Kentucky. So what...you trash him when IU loses and shut up when they win? I'd expect nothing less from your piece of sh!t site. Chumps. Chris B. We noticed that we didn't hear from you after IU lost to Indiana State. Jerk-face. _____________________________________________________________________ Devon Durrant's brilliant Playgournd Brawling article should be incorporated into the elementary school curriculum throughout the state. It should be apart of the ISTEP testing as well. I needed that about 22 years ago. Badly. Kevin J. Willie C is challenging the accuracy of Devon's win-loss record, though. Apparently, he knows something. A full investigation is pending. So let's hold off on submitting the piece to the state Board of Education. _____________________________________________________________________ Congrats to Roy Hobbson on the birth of his son. When can we expect him to start churning out hits like his pop's open gym article? (which should permanently stay in the vault space on the main page, btw) T. McKellum Sorry...but Mrs. Hobbson is shielding Roy Jr. from all things Flipside. And rightfully so. _____________________________________________________________________ Roy Hobbson had a kid? I'm reminded of that Simpson's episode where Ron Howard is troubled to learn that Homer has kids...so he gives him a wad of sympathy money because he feels sorry for Homer's children. If I had any money, I'd give it to Roy. JP Yeah...but if you remember, JP, Ron Howard yanked the money back from Homer. That's probably what you would do too. Jerk-face. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ December 19, 2005 Dear Flipside Staff and Readers: I'm sure that many of you are loyal listeners of JMV and that you caught a royal earful if you caught the show on Wednesday afternoon. When I got on the air, I managed to open my mouth and couldn't really seem to get anything intelligent to spill out. I associated myself with Flipside as though I was on the staff, thereby making myself the de facto Flipside spokes-idiot. In truth, my only association with the site has been as a sometime emailer who has had a couple of his messages posted in the "Forum" section. I have spent countless hours reading through the articles and quips on Flipside, laughing at times until it hurt. My fear is that I've caused severe damage to the reputation of the folks who run the site. I've never heard of them publicizing their work before, so the first pub they get is some moron claiming to be part of the gang getting on the radio and running off at the mouth. I would just like to take some time to formally apologize to everyone on the staff, and everyone who visits the site, for what I said on the air the other day. I was out of line should have known better. In the tradition of the site, I fully expect its writers to lampoon me as they do every other idiot who sees fit to pop off at the mouth. I will continue to visit Flipsidesports.net on a regular basis and I look forward to the continuation of the great work I've come to love. Once more, I'm sorry. Evan Altman (aka, Clark Sheffield) This was our first encounter with the "Cosmo Kramer Principle," which is as follows: Firing someone who doesn't even technically work for you makes it no less difficult. _____________________________________________________________________ The Colts suck. Peyton sucks. Your site sucks. JMP Not really. Definitely not. Agreed. _____________________________________________________________________ Is Devon Durrant ever going to make a return to Flipside? I don't want to sound gay but I miss him. Does that sound gay? C. Jacobsen Absolutely. That falls somewhere in the gay-to-quite-gay category. _____________________________________________________________________ Dear Flipside, I've noticed that Rick Carlisle is trying a few new strategies out with the Pacers, I'm not so sure I like them. Strategies such as: Jermaine O'Neal shooting an 18 foot fadeaway jumper with a man in his face every chance he gets, Stephen Jackson handing the ball to the other team, Ron Artest committing offensive fouls and missing free throws. I've also noticed that his strategy in free-throw shooting situations is to keep his top two free-throw shooters out of the game and also to have no offense whatsoever when we play teams that would have trouble with the Rice University Owls. What does God think about this? Sincerely, Brendan Carlton God doesn't really start watching the NBA until mid-March...so He's not in a position to comment right now. Or so He told Speedway. _____________________________________________________________________ That is it...I'm pissed. I was thumbing thru your old 'Responses section' that was up with the Mike Davis stuff. After seeing the IHSAA and Vipers articles and some of the other older stuff linked from it, I am convinced that your are screwing us over by not having an Archive section. I dont ask for much.....but I am asking for this. I could waste far more time at work if you just help a brotha out here. (btw...."how hood is that?" will somehow be worked into my marriage vows. Thank you for that. I am in your debt, Flipside..) L. Reilly It would be even funnier if you slapped the floor after her father gives her away. Actually, you'd be a legend. Your heroic story would be passed down from generation to generation. _____________________________________________________________________ Hey, Thanks for posting the new cadillac awards. I am the guy that requested the new update for the 2005 Caddies. I appreciate you guys updating this. I can't wait to read it. I just saw Cadillacs mug and I started cracking up. He kinda looks like Jamie Foxx's She Nay Nay character from the Living Color episodes LOLL. Anyway, thanks again. I'll give you guys some more ideas whenever they cross my mind. Pete M. (Biting tongue.) _____________________________________________________________________ Guys, you came back! I knew you couldn't resist the temptation of chronicling the Mike Davis death watch and the Colts march to the Super Bowl. Glad to have you back. I have this new e-mail address now so I can truthfully cop to occasionally watching the Golf Channel to hear Kelly Tilghman say "Shinnecock Hills" or see Stephanie Sparks get a back massage at some resort I'd like to stay at and not have the Nazi Webmaster at the bank edit my cussing (or yours). What can I say? It's not like IU Basketball is worth watching any more. Unless of course you enjoy the bloodletting. Besides, I've got the purile Natalie Gulbis show or heaven forbid The Daly Planet to think about. Maybe not. In any event, if I have anything useful to say, I'll check back. But mark my words, the Flipside is OBLIGATED to do a review of the Mike Tyson/Jenna Jamison film due out whenever. That's how we roll. D.A. "That's how we roll" is quickly becoming the modern-day version of "All that and a bag of chips" in terms of overuse and sheer caucasianality. Give it another month. _____________________________________________________________________ SUBJECT: Tayshaun's FACE Thats the connection of 2 faces that has been bothering me for months..... Who does Tayshaun Prince remind me of ???? Now I have my answer, and my stomach hurts from lol. He should definitely be considered as a "HOF" Cadillac inductee. Can't wait til Sheldon Williams enters the NBA in 2006. It should be a good year! Pete M Right now, Cadillac-insiders are calling Sheldon Williams "Neo." He is, without question, "The One." He's been blessed with supernatural fugliness, the likes of which the NBA has never before seen. _____________________________________________________________________ What is Flipside's response to the Ron Artest situation? You guys still suck. D. Boncosky We're waiting to see what Artest has to say. We sent Agent Starling down to his little dungeon-cell with a list of questions. We're yet to here back from her. _____________________________________________________________________ SUBJECT: How about this?? You guys should make a cadillac award with a hockey spin off. Hockey Awards would be funny as shit. You could call it the 2005 Pucking Uglies. Who would be the ambassador for the hockey ugly awards though?? Here is a few ideas.... Lyle Odelin, Darius Kasparitis, Mike Ricchi....................................Theres your Poster Child right there, Mike Ricchi.....He could be the ugliest man in any sport LOL Its a coin flip between Ricchi and Tayshaun Prince (MASK) Pete M None of us—nor any of our five (5) regular audience members—have ever intentionally watched a hockey game. Good idea, though. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ December 5, 2005 Glad Flipside is back at it...... Just got done reading the IndyStar coverage of the IU game and I can't figure out why the press is so bullish on this IU squad??? I only saw the last 2 minutes of the game, which was pitiful, but from what I understand, Marco can play and DJ White is going to descend from Heaven sometime in the next serveral weeks to take us to the final four. I truly hope so; however, I have a few thoughts after reading the game recap: 1) We lost 2) We played the worst when the pressure was on - beginning of the game and the end of the game 3) We tired out at the end of the game (admitted by Davis!) If I were the IU athletic director, I think I would use the following criteria when evaluating our coach: 1) Wins & Losses 2) How does the team perform under pressure 3) Is the team prepared to play Mike Davis failed at all three last night. Guess who passes all three tests.... Coach K. I know there aren't any other coach K's out there, but can't we get a guy that can lead when the pressure is on? Can't we get a guy that can run the kids in the preseason so they don't tire when it matters? Can't we get a guy that wins a big game every once in a blue moon? I kind of feel sorry for the kids on the team because it sounds like we've got some real talent. I also truly hope that this team does well and goes deep in the playoffs, mostly because I don't want to have to take prozac this coming March just to get out of bed. Unfortunately, based on what I saw last night and what I read today, we will only be good, not great, and we will fold like little sissy's when the pressure is on (in other words.... first round loss). By the way, I did find one good thing about the game last night..... we didn't chuck 650 trey's last night, which was weird. M. Drew You just criticized Mike Davis. Shouldn't you be out burning a cross somewhere? _____________________________________________________________________ Roy, Just read your article on Bob Sanders. Couldn't agree more. I had the pleasure of calling his A-10 Warthog hits for four years with the Hawkeyes. (By the way, being a military history buff I've studied the A-10 up close. Its Twin Gatlin Guns fire bullets the size of 16 oz Coke Bottles!!!!! THATS BOB SANDERS.) As Kirk Ferentz after the Colts drafted him..... "well, last year they took our best offensive player, (Dallas Clark) this year they took our best defensive player. If I'm the Colts, this year, I zero in on linebacker Abdul Hodge or his runningmate Chad Greenway. Those Hawks look good in Blue and White. Gary Dolphin Play-by-Play Hawkeye Radio Network "Gary Dolphin" has replaced "Max Power" as Flipside's favorite stage name in all of human history. (That has to be a stage name, right?) _____________________________________________________________________ We Iowa Hawkeye fans had the same experience when Bob appeared on the field for the first time. Bob came into the game on kick coverage and hit a guy so hard the announcers talked about it for the next two plays. Everybody said, “Who is this Bob Sanders guy?” As Kirk Ferentz once said, “having Bob Sanders on the field is like being in a street fight and having your big brother show up.” For more than three years, he was the heart and soul of the Iowa defense. And now he’s doing the same thing in Indianapolis. Go Colts! Patrick O. (Seriously, "Gary Dolphin" just can't be his real name. Can it?) _____________________________________________________________________ As a Hawkeye he fit the role of predator and now he has the whole country watching in awe. This is a focused, professional athlete who does his talking on the field without ever opening his mouth. Enjoyed your article. Judy Usher "Predator?" Ma'am...you and Speedway Williams are on the same page. _____________________________________________________________________ I just wanted to say what a great article the Bob Sanders article was, it sums up the feeling all Iowa Hawkeye fans have about Bob. He single handily gave the Hawkeye's an attitude that turned around our entire program around. It is so satisfying to see Hawkeye doing so well. Below are some links to some past Bob Sanders. Check out the links below for Bob Sanders Highlights from college. This guys website is awesome for Hawk Fans. Anybody that changes their name from Demond to Bob is somebody you just don't screw around with. http://www.scothawk.com/flvswfpublish/2003highlights/hawkeyehitlist2003.swf http://www.scothawk.com/ (Bob is #33.) Chris N. Clearly, Flipside has found a friend in the people of Iowa. (And our hold on the "corn-fed white people" demographic grows stronger.) _____________________________________________________________________ I just got forwarded the article on Bob Sanders and loved it. I am a huge Iowa football fan and have had season tickets and going to games since I was a boy. In my eyes, there has been no other player more fun to watch than Bob Sanders. Indianapolis fans are just now getting a taste of what this guy can do (plus, they are also very fortunate to have one of the nicest, but toughest tight ends in the NFL). I've included a link to view a highlight clip done on Bob. Scothawk.com is the site where Iowa fans flock to get excited when there is down time at work and at home. It takes a little bit to get going, but look out when they start showing Bob clips.... Good work on the article. Garrick Teckenburg English Valleys School District 7-12 Social Studies North English, IA Stay tuned for Flipside's 6-part series on why B.J. Armstrong was the real star of those 1990's Bulls teams. _____________________________________________________________________ Ray Hobbson is a moron......anyone who doesn't think that Dwight Freeny is the MVP of the Colts defense shouldn't be writing Colts articles. I like Bob Sanders too but he is a liability when it comes to pass coverage. Don't get carried away. Scott H. You mispelled "Roy," you mispelled "Freeney," and you criticized the one person who might rip out your heart Temple-of-Doom-style if he ever finds you. Please refrain from making disparaging remarks about the intellegence of others. Thanks. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ November 30, 2005 I was just going to check out the Napoleon Davis Article in your archives and just found that you guys have been back doing articles. That is probably the best thing that has happen to me this week. War Flipside. Paul Watko War checking yourself into St. V's Stress Center to improve the quality of your weeks. _____________________________________________________________________ Sanders played a huge game last night. It was good to see him get props on SportsCenter too...he deserved it. 4 personal fouls is no way to move the football though...they should have blasted the Steelers by 40! The trash talking reminded me of the referee on the Dr J -vs- Larry Bird video game: the old guy would come on and his mouth would move, but the audio sounded like someone dropped a rotary phone on a porcelain floor. J-Lew War more "Dr. J-vs-Larry Bird" references in society at large. _____________________________________________________________________ Why is Smeegol's face on some Clipper dude's body? I don't understand. I don't understand a lot of things on your site. S.L.B. It was mocking Chris Kaman. It wasn't funny, it wasn't clever, and as you point out, it wasn't even understandable. (In other news, the Chris Kaman piece is now the new A.P. Poll #1-ranked "Most Prototypical Flipside Production of All Time." If history is any indication, though, it'll be dethroned sometime next week.) _____________________________________________________________________ SUBJECT: WTF? You came back and didn't bother to tell me? I had to find out while drinking after a hard Thanksgiving day of answering questions from my family about my divorce, new girlfriend, bad haircut and every transgression since 8th grade. This is the final blow. Is Radio the only guy that understands people like me? I'm applying for a position on his staff. Rob H. That's the third funniest alcoholism-and-divorce-related email we've ever received. Well played, sailor. _____________________________________________________________________ You guys suck. I need the articles from the past flipside authors, post the old and then stop posting...by the way, my CPU monitor burned and fizzled with the new NASA technology revealed the real white man's game in Bismarck D. Boncosky "Post the old and then stop posting" might become Flipside's new Mission Statement. _____________________________________________________________________ Why is there no archives section anymore? If you are trashing the old stuff, don't you think you owe your 8 devoted readers an explanation? JP No. No we don't. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ November 21, 2005 It broke my heart when the site went down. Please tell me it is back up and that we can expect regular contributions. I need you guys. Peter P. We can tell you that the site is back up. But we can't tell you to expect "regular contributions." As you can see from the total lack of production over the past week, we're just putting stuff up whenever we feel like it (i.e., when we're really drunk). _____________________________________________________________________ I would like to view this clip of Martha the cleaning lady performing the IU Fight Song. Thanks . Jessica H. ...4,994... _____________________________________________________________________ What they say about having to hit rock bottom before finally improving your life is right, a fact that I discovered for myself only recently. In the months since Flipside withered and died, so did my soul. My search for the lighter (or is it the darker?) side of sports was halted abruptly, as I no longer had kindred souls with whom to share my wanderings and ponderings. So many stones had been left unturned: the Fever and the WNBA (a topic that has since received 14 minutes and 30 seconds of fame after Sheryl Swoopes admitted that she likes to beat around the bush); Raphael Palmeiro and his drug use and their possible implications on the events of the past (e.g., banging Sandberg's ex-wife); the White Sox' disgusting rise to popularity and the glorification Chicago's South Side; the debate over whether Stacey Paetz's head is bigger than Barry Bonds'. Those are just some of the topics that I've not been able to climb into and walk around in. I had stopped thinking about them entirely and had thought that my ability to use caustic sarcasm had left me. A lingering feeling of illness, however, forced me to get professional help. The frustration and sarcasm that I could not release was building inside of me and was threatening my health. I could not afford the procedure that would have released the pressure, so I prayed. This morning, my prayers were answered when I got an email telling me that Flipside was back. And then when I saw that God Himself had joined the staff, I knew that I was going to be okay. Keep up the good work, gentlemen. Sarcastically Yours, Clark Sheffield Impressive. The bitterness is strong in young Sheffield. _____________________________________________________________________ First, I lose all ability to think rationally for a period of a week, and when I return to my senses, apparently I am engaged to be married. Then, I hear that Sir Terrance of Stansbury has elected to reproduce, and selects the name "Tanya Crevier" for his newborn child. (I have yet to confirm the name part of that story, but I think that's what Hazel told me.) And finally, today, I see that Flipside has in fact returned from the Land of Abandoned Websites (again). By the way, I think that Tanya, Stacy Paetz, and Heather Williams all need to go out and grab a drink. (And is Heather Speedway's wife?) It has all been so traumatic. But traumatic in a good way. Kind of like hearing that Ron Artest is on the cover of Penthouse (I swear honey, I had to buy the magazine for NBA research for Flipside). I hope that this message finds you well and I look forward to many more afternoons of reading your stuff... Sincerely, Nick, er...Scooby, the Pride of Haughville Are Heather Williams and Speedway Williams married? It's possible. After all, she seems like the kind of gal who would thoroughly approve of her husband having a booth named after him at "Hip Huggers." And knowing Speedway as we do, he'd love a girl who would use the term "You go, Stacy!" _____________________________________________________________________ There's got to be room in the Flipside budget for this: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4795499149 T. McCabe No, there isn't. But so help us God, we'll make room.* (*Willie C., please report to the front desk. And bring all your stuff.) _____________________________________________________________________ Will you guys send me the clip of Martha from the old IU telecasts? I miss those days. Jason R. ...4,995... _____________________________________________________________________ After seeing the cover of the most recent Intake, I am painfully reminded that Hoosiers will rally behind anyone. HOWEVER, NOT FLIPSIDE. My suggestion for a quick Flippy piece is to use that picture of Rupert and turn it into a MOST WANTED picture that prohibits his entrance into any Indy professioanal sports team venue, absent your beloved Vipers. If you recall during the NBA Eastern Conference Finals in 2004, Detroit had Kid Rock and other music notables and we had this D-lister wearing a tye-dyed shirt, waiving a flag, and spewing non-sense. Something must be done to stop this train wreck. The other thing that kills me about this guy is that every time he utters a word, it sounds like he just took a hit off of a bong. Dan G Agreed. Time for Rupert to follow in the footsteps of Marvelous Marvin Johnson and Sammy Terry and other Indy pseudo-celebrities...it's time for Rupert to star in a series of Eastgate Chrysler/Dodge commericals. ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ November 10, 2005 SUBJECT: Stacy Paetz I would like to tell you guys all about the wonderful person whom you decided to trash on your little web site. She is not only a beautiful person on the outside as anyone can see but she is one of the most beautiful people anyone could ever have the blessing of knowing personally. I am proud to call her one of my dearest friends for a number of reasons, not the least of which is her inspirational love of Christ. That is not something she tries to hide and should not be either. If we are ashamed of Him so He will be of us! You go STACY! I think it is a shame to trash anyone for no reason on your web site but to pick on someone who, if given the chance, would help out anyone in need, is just shameful! I hope whoever wrote that article can put aside the jealousy or whatever prompted that garbage and try to see her for what she is.......A good person trying to do her job. Give her a break! And to you Stacy... you hold your head high. Keep on doing the great job you do! And remember.... God is on your side so who needs the rest! —Heather Williams Heather Williams has caused quite a stir. Of the roughly 18,000 major ramifications caused by her email, there are three that are most noteworthy here: (1) Flipside is now officially out of retirement and ready to work; (2) Roy Hobbson, unfortunately, is now in a coma; and, (3) most importantly, God has joined our staff, thus placing Him on our side too. (It's just one of the many fun changes you'll be seeing with this latest installment of Flipside.) _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ November 9, 2005 Run, you cur! Run! Tell all the other curs that Flipside's coming back! You tell them that I'm coming back, and hell's coming with me! You hear?! Hell's coming with me! —Devon Durrant, in a spirited (and most likely drunken) response to Roy Hobbson after being forwarded the Heather Williams email. |
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