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| __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ ***Ed. Note: During our Summer Hiatus, the Google ads were thankfully removed. They've gone back to their home. On Whore Island. Please disregard the 1,792 references thereto listed below. We now return to zero-expectation fake sports journalism. Thank you. —Flipside Management (9/13/06) April 4, 2006 Still waiting on a Flipside response to the hiring of the new IU coach!!!! I feel another sabbatical coming. Don't let those career and family issues get in the way of what matters most...your loyal Flipsidians. All 4 of us. Jayson P. Per the Flipside Mission Statement, we don't really care what you think. We only care about putting out mildly-entertaining, sometimes-coherent material once every few weeks. And also whoring ourselves out to Google AdSense for $0.19 per day. That's how we rock it...kind-of-anti-establishment-style. But with less dignity. ______________________________________________________________________ In case you're interested -- and I'm not sure if you heard -- but IU hired a coach yesterday. His name is Kelvin Sampson. And yes, I'm being sarcastic. Granted, its not very funny, but I haven't posted here in a long time. Hey...Maybe I could be a Flipside staffer! CL Take it to the D-League*, pal. *Ed. Note: The "Developmental League" has also been mercifully shut down. A nine-person fan base doesn't lend itself to a whole lot of fan-written articles. Lesson learned. —Flipside Mgmt. ______________________________________________________________________ Do you guys care to comment on Kelvin Sampson? Do you even follow Indiana basketball anymore? How about an article more than once a month? Jason R. [Not shown: the 2,936 similarly worded emails.] Listen...unless you want to start clicking on our ads 15,000 times an hour for the next 35 straight years, you might just have to bear with us. Why? Well, in case you're blind or autistic, Flipside doesn't pay the bills. Our crappy, 80-hour-a-week, low-paying jobs do. Unfortunately, they come first. Then marital chores. Then eating. Then more marital chores. And then—if there's time—showering, sleeping, Flipside updates, exercise, "putting in the extra mile" at work, spritual enlightenment, and finding interns for Flipside. That's just the way it is. ______________________________________________________________________ That latest article may have been Flipside's best yet, and not just because you referenced former Beacontown Beavers basketball coach and Hamilton University boxing coach Bobby Finstock. You are the third person I've heard give a rational breakdown of why Sampson's hiring is good for IU. In fact, I almost came to fisticuffs with two young hooligans the other day. One was ranting about how IU had just hired Mike Davis Part II; I think the kid is just racist, as skin color is about the only thing Davis and Sampson have in common. In terms of public perception, propensity to wear 15-button suits, and basketball acumen these two coaches are on opposite sides of the spectrum. The second guy made the argument that Davis has a better NCAA tournament record and, of course, had beaten Sampson's Sooners in the tourney. Had I not felt sorry for his obvious mental retardation, I would have punched this guy. Someone called JMV and made that same argument, which I suppose means that Gary Williams is the only coach IU really should have hired. Kudos, Roy, on the excellent breakdown. I almost cried. Almost. In a totally unrelated note, I was at the NCAA Slam Dunk and 3-point Contest tonight. Wow. I had the good fortune to move into seats that had previously been reserved and was sitting in the midst of Bobby Plump, Mike Doss, Cato June, and Bob Sanders. Seeing Bobby Plump sitting right next to Bob Sanders was one of the strangest juxtaposition of revered Indiana sports figures you could ever hope to witness. At one point I looked over and didn't see Plump; my first thought was that Sanders had eaten him rather than run to the concession stand for some popcorn. But Mr. Chitwood reappeared a few minutes later and my mind was set at ease. As far as the whole over-hyped, over-sponsered event, I'm kind of neutral. It was a decent spectacle, but it seemed to be as slapped together as a Mike Davis gameplan. The highlight of the night: noticing upon leaving Hinkle that Fat Marco Killingsworth was rocking a Cubs hat. Evan Speaking of Bob Sanders, we saw him right after Mellencamp's concert on the Circle, right when the storm began to hit. We were not disappointed. While we were ducking for cover, Bob was going all Captain Dan and challenging God to a duel. He kept screaming at the top of his lungs, "Is THIS all you got!?" as he scaled the walls of the Monument. He then went and ate portions of the Regents Bank Building. ______________________________________________________________________ Referring to Kravitz as a 'Socialist' is an insult to all of us. -- Robert Owen M. Novak That is SO sportspickle.com; it's trite on top of trite. Seriously, what sports website isn't referencing 19th century Polish union leaders at this point? Anyone? What's next, Mr. Novak? A crack about the size of Barry Bonds' head? C'mon...this isn't "Hooters" or a "Pray for Our President!" Evangelical retreat. We're all intelligent here. Let's act like it. Let's act like we've been here before. ______________________________________________________________________ ...Now, why I don't 100% agree with your article (which, again, is beside the point of this email): you conveniently blew past the allegations. An "oops, we made some calls when we shouldn't have last summer" is significantly different than "screw the rules" for four straight years. FOUR years. That contradicts your point of him not being "above the university"; in fact, his actions suggest he believes he's "above the NCAA". And that's definitely not the Hickory way. Admit it--you cringe at the thought of Calipari because he seems too slick, too egotistical, too-mafia for IU; someone who would compromise class and recruit guys off of death row. Ironically, these are the same traits Kelvin not merely appears to have, but proves to have. Breaking rules. 1 out of 5 graduation rate. This makes Calipari looks like he runs Harvard (although I'm not even saying he's the answer, either). The point is (I think)--and there's no denying Sampson can flat out coach--but the point is, in some ways, IU really did "sell-out" with this hire. Hard-nosed defense, fundamentals, and a "take no prisoners" mindset is a beautiful thing, but it's not always synonomous with integrity. One of the beauties of the Norman Dale story is the integrity, the innocence, the short-handed (not underhanded) underdog who found a way to make it work, and that's what appears to be missing here. But who really cares? The passion for IU basketball is back, and that's a wonderful thing. Sir Terrance of Stansbury Fascinating. Thanks for writing in. We look forward to hearing from you again in another 18 months. ______________________________________________________________________ ...Couldn't agree with you more regarding the Sampson hire. He's better than Few, Crean, Calipari, Alford or Wittman. Rick Barnes and Bruce Pearl (even though I think his schemes are rather gimmicky) are the only plausible people in his weight class. He is the Native American Ben Howland. Devon Durrant For all the rural folk reading this, "Native American" means "injun." Sampson is the injun Ben Howland. ______________________________________________________________________ If we wanted shady and a rule breaker, why not get Calapari? Or Pitino? Or Western University Dolphin legend Pete Bell? Kevin Y. No can do, Kevin. Calapari and Pitino are about as Hoosier as Morpheus. Or Joakiam Noah. And Bob Cousey was the only AD savy enough to handle the volatile Bell. (Rick Greenspan, in case you didn't know, is no "Cooze." Then again, few are.) ______________________________________________________________________ Kitchell was misquoted. What he actually said was "I wouldn't hire that guy to schedule refs for my daughter's fifth grade basketball team," as he was talking about Rick. Dude needs to get a clue; that press conference wasn't about selling us on all the hard work he did. What a moron. By the way, did you see him adjust his balls when he got behind the podium? Classy. Rob H. See? The Cooze would have made 392 consecutive no-look free-throws while simultaneously introducing Chief and balancing the IU budget. (Not just the athletics portion...all of it.) Then, he would have dismissed the spectators with a casual flick of the hand. ______________________________________________________________________ Luckily I was out of the country for the last week and didn't even know about the hiring of Kelvin Sampson. My first thought when reading this was to slam my head through a wall and then drive to IU and run my truck into Greenspans Office to show my distain for him and Satan for whom he worships. After that I just closed my eyes and dropped 1 leg off the bed (because this is supposed to stop the spins when your drunk) and thought this would help. It didn't, and vomit of this nature doesn't taste any better compared to vomit of other natures. I have now calmed down now and have gotten over all the jabs and taunts from Kentucky and Iowa fans and decided that even Corky (the down syndrome kid) would have been a better coach than Ninja Mike and that I should be happy that he is gone from my life. Corky Davis is less likable than a cold sore and I am glad he is gone form IU and our great tradition of basketball. Now, after reading what the information the flipside journalists (word used lightly here) have given me, I feel noticeably better about myself and how IU will do next year. If Kelvin can get Robert Vaden to actually run the length of the floor at least once in a game, I think they will have gotten their moneys worth. On a completely different note, after reading about Steve Alford and him not coming to IU, it reminded me of a song that was once popular when he was dropping 3's back in the day. The song was by Fury Head and the Favorites, called, Stevie shoot a 3 pointer, and another called 1 night in Boonville. If you have these songs or know where I can get them, please send them to me or post them somewhere on the Forum. Thank You, Jason Tremper Surely you jest. A song about Steve Alford? We're skeptical. ______________________________________________________________________ So, so you remember the songs I mentioned. The major reason is I am from Boonville Indiana and I always loved that silly ass song. Jason Tremper Now we know you're kidding. "Boonville, Indiana?" Yeah right. (And while we're here, it would have been funnier if you would have just gone the whole nine yards and said "Podunk, Indiana" or "Gas City, Indiana." Not saying that "Boonville" isn't funny, because it is. Just pointing out that it could have been funnier. If only slightly.) ______________________________________________________________________ I need the flipside people to find the 'Furry Head and the Favorites' for me. You must use your supreme power as cult leaders to find these songs for me. Jason Tremper Can we talk about something else? This has grown tiresome. ______________________________________________________________________ dear flipside, or should i say shitside, i just happened to read your little discussion about the steelers and colts a while ago, it was something i just came across on the internet. all i can say is how big of jackasses do you guys feel like now? making fun of pittsburgh fans and players didn't help those pathetic colts out at all now did they? forget the 21-18 score, the steelers dominated your shitstain colts. one of your predictions should have been in the colts lose, who will peyton manning blame it on? "uh i'm a pretty big redneck, i can't really read or write, but uhh let's just say we had some protection problems" i think peyton got the question confused about why the hell he was put on this earth. well when my mom and archie would having sex, they just had some protection problems. you are all morons. The Man The honorable Tom Murphy, ladies and gentlemen. The "Pride of Pittsburgh." (For shame, sir. For shame. And you call yourself a mayor.) ______________________________________________________________________ Ads? On the Flip? Disgusting. This is when the whores move in. You're whores. The whole lot of you. On the other hand, I coughed up a testicle with your Sheldon Williams "quote." You whores are all right. CM Exactly. This can work. One day, whore-ers and whore-ees will live side by side, in peace. Coexisting. Laughing at bizarrely ugly people and otherwise carrying on. ______________________________________________________________________ Hey, what's with the google ads? Where's the $ you got from Google? Where's my 'taste'? What, you didn't think I'd find out? Don't make me cut you! Mike Moltisanti Your "taste" equals $0.0381. That's your customary 20%. That's right...we're whores, but inexpensive whores. Now lay off the heroin before Tony kicks your ass again. ______________________________________________________________________ "A friend of the devil is a friend of mine." You finally sold out. I knew this day would come. Maybe you'll update the site more than once a month now. TD Once more...can we talk about something else? ______________________________________________________________________ what's with the ads? you sellin' out to pay for the late night runs to Thornton's for your smokes and three-day old hot dog fix????? this is the day it all goes down hill... well, a little faster downhill. Subscriber #9 Thornton's is the sustainer of Flipside. There, nicotine and beef jerkey and wildly caffeinated products are bountiful and reasonably priced. Glorious place, Thornton's. ______________________________________________________________________ Dear Flipside, Do you know where I can get a free Peyton Manning jersey? Oh... no way... you mean all I have to do is just fill out a simple survey? That's so simple. Thanks Flipside for connecting me to this wonderful site. I can't wait for my free jersey!!! I'll fill out the survey twice and get you one too. Would you like Peyton or Marvin? JP Neither. We want the free Colts pendant. Lucky for us, the offer is good in our zip code (creatively typed in as "000000000000000000000000000000000"). What are the odds? Anyway, make it happen, JP. Stop at nothing to make it happen. ______________________________________________________________________ From this day forward, any women whom stops short after a dry humping session will be referred to as "Pulling a Pat Burke." How anti-climatic is that guy? Scott F Your proclamation is intriguing. But incomplete. She must also kick you in the groin and curse you in an Irish brogue. Only then will she have truly pulled a "Pat Burke." You are free to smack her around a little bit at that point. Just like a good Irish lad. ______________________________________________________________________ It seems Flipside has given up talking about sports and decided to focus solely on Flipside. The general public is not interested in the buddy-buddy inside jokes and pseudo marketing attempts. I rubbed my eyes and did a double take when I saw you have cut and pasted a Thourou quote where a once funny image would be placed. Not even ESPN reflects upon it's inner workings as much as you. B. Saxton In case you missed it, here's the "Thoreou quote" of which he speaks, the one we put up "where a once funny image would be placed" at the start of the NCAA Tourney: And when it's done, win or lose, You always did your best, 'cause inside you knew... That one shining moment, you reached deep inside. One shining moment, you knew you were alive. —Henry David Thoreau, from One Shining Moment (1858) That IS the joke, Mr. Saxton. Albeit not a terribly creative one. See, Henry David Thoreau didn't really write "One Shining Moment." Biz Markie did. (Or someone of that ilk.) Wow. Tough crowd. Tough Forum update, actually. Flipside took a good ramming here. That's $0.08 the hard way. Anyway, we have to go clean up now. Just leave the money on the table. We'll pick it up later. |
| October 10, 2006 It's good to have Flipside back. I'm not sure why exactly. Steve R. We'll tell you why. Figuratively speaking, we're the downtrodden guy in your neighborhood—the guy with five unruly kids, an '83 Chevette, and an in-home knife-selling business. Eventually, you'll come to appreciate that guy and how he makes you feel better about your own circumstances. Such is the allure of Flipside. ______________________________________________________________________ just a note... we shouldn't be surprised that like most of "corn row" jackson's three-point attempts last year he missed badly with 5 shots in the parking lot. Seems like he needs to spend more time in the gym and at the gun range. Jayson P. And what's the deal with the "black box" on airplanes? Why don't they just make the entire plane out of that stuff? That's some wild, crazy stuff right there. ______________________________________________________________________ I have been to Club Rio. The thinking at the time was like when your in college and you and your buddies go to the local townie bar just for a change of pace. Sure, you risk getting stabbed. But thats part of the fun. I will never ever go back. That place is gunplay waiting to happen. What are Jackson and Tinsley doing there? Where do you think they'll go for Jackson's 30th birthday party? Dave R. There's a Flipside trip to "The Rio" in the works. Kind of like a pilgrimage. Assuming we wouldn't die, there'd be a good story to tell. (Of course, getting captured so that you can be released-and-hunted by a bunch of white-collar psychos like Ice-T in Surviving the Game would also make a good story. But that doesn't mean we're doing that. Maybe we'll just drive by "The Rio." On a Sunday. At 9:30 in the morning. Quickly.) ______________________________________________________________________ If you are going to write a segment on people, maybe you should have an editor to help with your spelling mistakes....aka Stacey, does not have an "E" in her first name. Maybe you folks should take a look at yourself because, Stacy is the most non-judging person I have ever met. There is only one person that can judge and that is neither you or me. Jennifer M. And yet, you judged us. That there is hypocrisy. Such is the allure of Evangelicalism. ______________________________________________________________________ "Only one person can judge?" Shouldn't that be Person? But if you're going to call God a person, shouldn't you at least capitalize your blasphemy? Unless she was talking about Chuck. The Rifleman might be the Ultimate Judge, but who really knows? Jennifer makes my head hurt. Rob H Why must you insult Jennifer, Rob? That is NOT how we do things at Flipside. Shame on you. You're a no-good, low-down, c---sucking, motherf---ing s----bag. You really are. Go to Hell, a--hole. ______________________________________________________________________ I was looking at your staff and Shaun Souers looks like someone I might know. The scrawny guy seems like he might come from southern Indiana where meth is so prevalent. I bet he knows something about that. He sure knows his sports. I wonder how he did in school?? Did he play sports at all or just sit on the sidelines as a wannabe?? Poor guy looks like he tried. He is pretty funny. I still think he looks familiar. I had a son once like him. I wonder??? I come from the hills. Call me Maw. EWF "I come from the hills. Call me Maw." That's the kind of magic that Pulitzers are made of. Or Flipside Line-of-the-Year winners. Either or. ______________________________________________________________________ I have read through most of your archive, but for some reason I had never seen "Best/Worst Movie Athletes" until today. While I largely agreed with your rankings, I took issue with your choice for number one, as it seems to have violated one of your own rules: Rule #3: They have to participate in a "real" sport: Baseball is as much of a sport as NASCAR, which is to say that it's not a sport. I don't know if you noticed, but John Kruk played baseball, and was pretty good at it. John Kruk is going to die of heart problems soon, and he's even lost some weight since he retired only a few years ago. For a site that talks so much about how boring hockey is, I'm a little disappointed. Hockey may not be the heart-stopping scoring fiesta that basketball is, but it's pulse-pounding, edge-of-your-seat excitement compared to baseball. I hate baseball. I'm always like this in the first 4 weeks of football season. I can still temporarily remember the misery of sports television in the summer. Ethan P.S. I really f---ing hate baseball. Point taken. The combination of the NBA, the WNBA, and the And1 Mix Tape Tour might ultimately turn an entire nation into hockey fans. So you may be onto something. Plus, your people enjoy throwing octopi at the players during the game. Color us intrigued. ______________________________________________________________________ How could you possibly leave out Bobby Boucher and his meteoric rise from waterboy to all-american linebacker? His NCAA record 21 sacks in 1 game easily should have put him on your list. Todd M. Boucher was left off the list because of his profound, performance-enhancing retardation. That's how. ______________________________________________________________________ Lets not forget Forest playing for Bear Bryant. He also represented the USA against China in Ping Pong!!! H. Brawley Again, Gump falls under the PPER Corrolary. Profound, performance-enhancing retardation. In fact, anytime you see a white guy dominate a sport in a movie, you can just go ahead and suspect PPER. |
| November 2, 2006 Interesting article on EJ. Eric Gordon Sr. Thanks. Willie C. has helped literally hundreds of wayward teenagers "see the light," figuratively speaking. Not usually through interesting articles, though. Normally he sends suggestive IM's. (Or so found the Flipside House Ethics Committee.) ______________________________________________________________________ What a move....tonight, Eric Gordon is going to announce that he is attending IU, and he'll give credit to Willie C.'s article for persuading him to do so as the catalyst that changed Hoosier b-ball forever. Make no mistake, Flipside is a journalistic FORE to be reckoned with. There is a god, and his name is Kelvin! If any Illinois fans want to cry in their beers about how corrupt Kelvin's coup is....please remind them that they stole Jeff George from Purdue. I haven't been this happy since Tom Geyer announced he's leaving IU! M. Byron Make no mistake, calling Flipside a "journalistic FORE" is grounds for a free t-shirt. Always has been. But the "to be reckoned with" part? Well, sir...you went too far. Now people just assume you're mentally not right. The whole compliment is tainted. ______________________________________________________________________ If you get in a tragic balloon accident and there's no mention of your invoking "Chief" as Kelvin Sampson's nickname, I'll bring it up casket-side. It's that important to the IU basketball lexicon. Jeff L. It's Chief, sans the quotation marks. Always capitalized. Always with respect. ______________________________________________________________________ RE: Eric Gordon signing When was Chief hired? Because that's the exact day that the pussification of the state of Indiana ended. No more "Johnny needs to participate" or "Timmy just got a 7th place ribbon." F--- that. We're winners, goddamn it! Winners! If I were a black man, I'd be outside in the street singing that Negro hymn, "Oh happy Day"! It'll be OSU, IU, Mich St. for the next decade. The rest are basically cannon fodder. Purdue? With Matt Painter? And this is the last time I bring him up -- he's a threat to IU b-ball as Frank Solich at Ohio University is a threat to Jim Tressel. Illicits a chuckle and then it's back to the morning paper and coffee. Larry Phelps "Email of the Year" candidate. (The rule prohibiting Flipside staff writers from entering the contest has just been obliterated.) _______________________________________________________________________ What the F--- is Japanese algebra? Is that the language Mike Davis spoke? EWF Could be. But because he always had a quarter-pound of Laffy Taffy in his mouth, we can never be sure exactly what he was saying. ______________________________________________________________________ Have you seen this video of Derrick Rose? You need to find a way to put this on your site. I've watched it 300 times, and it doesn't ever get any less amazing. HJ (Nodding affirmatively) ______________________________________________________________________ Can Willie C. write an "open letter" to Derrick Rose and get him to come to IU? Please make this happen. L. Reilly Sorry...the Flipside House Ethics Committee now frowns upon Willie C. communicating with minors, wolfed-out or otherwise. Lousy squares. ______________________________________________________________________ I know we're supposed to keep our mouths shut and just let it play out, but I'm getting tired of reading Kravitz's BS. Particularly this masterpiece. His assertion of hypocrisy in casting out Jackson after standing beside Artest is ridiculous. By that logic, the Pacers organization should just continue to keep their mouths shut while the inmates run the asylum. There's a metaphor in there about Rome burning with a fiddle soundtrack in the background, but I'm not as skilled as Bob in the wordsmithing category. Bird needs to step up and be the bad guy, or good guy, depending on your point of view, and drop the hammer on Jackson. The fact that Jackson said all the right things about wanting to be a better person means nothing. It's his actions that count and that matter at the end of the day. I suppose you can apply that last statement to both Jackson and Bird. Talk is cheap. It's time to grow a pair and do something about this. Why in hell would I want to go watch this group of misfits? Uptempo? Big flippin' deal. And before anyone starts in with the crap asking if I've been to a strip club and it's legal and whatever other lame excuses, the issue wasn't about him going to gawk at some single moms trying to make a buck. The issue is putting himself in a position where the downside far outweighs any upside: Let's see, I'm on parole, I've got perception issues with the fans who pay my salary, I've told everyone that I'm a new man, how about we go to strip club at 3 am on a school night? Sounds great to me. What could possibly go wrong? That's the same kind of bad judgement that shows up on the court, only this time it's a tad more serious than getting yanked for a bad pass or defensive lapse. They oughta hide strap his ass to pine rail and send him up the Monon Line. But then nobody in the organization seems to have the stones to do anything other than talk about how dissapointed Stephen feels. When do the Hoosiers tip off? Merle Webb According to The Almighty Creator, Stephen Jackson wasn't doing wrong. He was minding his business...doing the right thing. (Apparently, God doesn't much care for crippled semi-retarded guys lying on the ground; they deserve to be kicked. It's probably in Leviticus—the same chapter where God demands that gay people be executed and where He outlines how to care for your slaves. Leviticus = fun.) ______________________________________________________________________ Let me waste your time like someone wasted mine… http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3382491587979249836 Lew No words. None. It's like -- it's like watching a 2-minute rodeo accident full of gored clowns and other mesmorizing visuals. It's impossible to turn away, despite every fiber of your being begging you to do so. Of course, the perpetually wise Sir Terrance of Stansbury—in his office-wide reply—makes a remarkable observation: "As [Speedway Williams] has always said...if you have to resort to the karate chop during your dance, you probably shouldn't be dancing." Words to live by, friends. Words to live by. __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ |
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| November 30, 2006 I think I finally figured it out. I am going to stop wondering when Bob Sanders is going to play for the Colts again. He has clearly been suspended by the league for substance abuse. My guess is that his early season absence was due to massive amounts of human and other life form hormones found coursing throughout his body. This would explain the overgrown shoulders and lack of neck. His suspension was over for the Patriots game, and we all remember what we saw there. Afterwards, the league found some combination of crystal meth, ethanol, and antifreeze in the drool Bob left all over Gillette Field. They decided that they had to suspend him for the welfare of opposing players while they determined an appropriate course of action. My guess is that this suspension will be lifted in time for round two of the playoffs, so hopefully he is rehabilitated by then. Goodness knows we will need him. Nick Honestly, we agree with you. Because if what we've heard is true, you can shoot Bob in the knee cap with a 230mm high-powered rifle—from point blank range—and the wound will appear all metallic-y (like Mercury) for a second, then slurp back to normal, as if nothing happened. Keeping Bob on the IR is like having a ref at the AND1 Mix Tape Tour games...seriously, who are they trying to kid? _______________________________________________________________________ Question -- why do sports television talk shows have slow moving fan blades in the background props? I hope you can answer that. Lew People who enjoy those shows are also typically transfixed/amazed by slowly rotating objects. (They also enjoy using a "z" instead of an "s" when pluralizing words. But that's for a different time.) It's the JMV Principle. _______________________________________________________________________ As I was doing my part to send the productivity of the American worker into the toilet by surfing your website, I thought I'd check out the gear section. Perhaps to find something suitable for the people who I feel obligated to by a gift for, even if I don't like them. I thought Flipside gear would be the perfect gift to really let someone know where they stand in society. Then it struck me as I was looking at the shirts. The shirt mannequins are probalby not proportioned correctly for your editors or readership. I'm thinking the Medium shirt on a lean mannequin isn't doing much to let your target demographic know how the shirt will look in the wild. To fit the mold of those who read Flipside, hereinafter referred to as "Flipsidiots", the shirts should be XXL at least, and possibly stretched over a rusty 52 gallon barrel filled with toxic refuse. If you can't find a barrel in the alley behind the Flipside offices, I hear Corey Simon may have some free time to do some modeling. As an added bonus for the Flipsidiots, you could sell Flipside "distressed" T-shirts. You could make a fortune by spilling beer, week old pizza sauce, and rubbing the Doritos cheese powder off your fingers onto the shirt. Hell, maybe even a little vomit dribble on the top of the belly would be appropriate. After all, it is the holidays. Time for binge eating, drinking, and all things Flipsidiot sports-fan related. Or, if you can't find the manpower or motivation to pre-distress the T-shirts, just wear them for a weekend and that should do the trick. I don't expect payment for helping with my boundless marketing genius. I'm just doing my part as a loyal member of the Flipsidiot army (all 9 of us) to help Flipside achieve a higher standard. Regards, The Hick You've just unlocked the door to immortality, Mr. The Hick. Enjoy your stay. _______________________________________________________________________ I couldn't help but remember your fake quote of the day while watching Sunday night. The one about Vinatieri's call to Brady. "Operation Inside Job" seemed a little too real. He's perfect until they go to New England???? How odd. I don't think they planned on BOB making his return to devastation on that night. Nadanombre1 If Vinatieri were caught sneaking pipe-bombs into Petyon's knee pads (which he might), would you rather have Vanderjagt back? Neither would we. _______________________________________________________________________ I think I want the line "each one of us is a Sik Wit It" etched onto my tombstone. I had forgotten about that. Its possibly the best Flipside piece ever. Chad L You and the other guy who liked it should get together. Go roller skating or something. Buy some Lotto tickets. Throw Corn Nuts at cars and stuff. You two would hit it off. _______________________________________________________________________ SUBJECT: PRIMERICA ARTICLE YOU MAY HAVE WALKED INTO AN OFFICE THAT HAD BAD TRAINING SKILLS BUT PRIMERICA HAS MADE ME AND MY FAMILY FINANCIALY INDEPENDENT WHILE DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR THE CLIENT AND IF YOUR FAMILIAR AT ALL WITH CITIGROUP YOU SHOULD TRY KNOW ITS LEGIT COMPANY ALL IN ALL ITS MORANS LIKE YOU THAT GIVE US A BAD NAME SO IM GLADE YOUR NOT PART OF THE LARGEST FINANCIAL INSTITUTION IN THE WORLD SO BACK O YOUR 9TO5 AND LIVE YOUR AVERAGE AND ORDINARY LIFE WITH OUT LEAVING A LEGACY BEHIND TO BE REMEMBERD KEEP WORKING TILL YOUR 65 LOSE. EB Maybe Primerica isn't for idiots after all. Clearly, Roy Hobbson's readers were the ones who were duped. Thank you, EB. A million times thank you. (Does the Great Leader at Primerica disallow commas? General verbal coherency? Personal contact with non-Leader-approved people? Because this sounds an awful lot like Flipside. Are you also only allowed to wear black Nike high-tops? Us too. Let's talk.) _______________________________________________________________________ 50" Big Screen TV = $1400 Local Cable Bill = $100 IU T-shirt = $14 Watching IU play = LIKE MASTURBATING WITH STEEL WOOL Jason T. Agree to disagree. Well, defensively, that is. _______________________________________________________________________ This is off the UAB website…a quote by MD about his current "coaching" opportunity. You guys can't write anything this classic. Am I drunk? Does this mean anything? Sorry Blazers, he's your coach now. "I told my players that I'm excited to play and will play anyone at anytime, anywhere," Davis said. "Whoever wants to play us home-and-home, we will do it. I feel like that is an opportunity to fill the seats and get our players ready for March. It will also give us the chance to play nationally-televised games. I don't really care about winning 25 games a year but what is important to me is that we are competing." Susan W. There's a strong possibility that UAB morphs into a strictly on-line college by the time this is all said and done. _______________________________________________________________________ i'm gonna keep it short and sweet. Great f---in article on Mr. Bob Sanders! A. Hamilton We're going to keep this short and sweet. You were f---in' robbed against Aaron Burr! _______________________________________________________________________ I don't know how I missed the Mike Davis game plan, but your mutliple references to Tonk was vintage humor. Not too many whiteys know about that game. I am impressed. The only thing missing from that brilliant piece was a reference to Acey Ducey, the African-American preferred dice/chip contest as opposed to "White"-gammon. I am forever grateful for my upbringing and my parents' encouragement to lifegaurd in predominantly African-American pools while in high school and college. Truly a cultural education. Dan G. We enjoy pulling on this country's racial heart-strings. Much like George Papadapolis. _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ |
| January 17, 2006 The Colts/Pats game is the biggest sporting event in the history of this state. I want a Baghdad-at-curfew-like sweep of the downtown area 90 minutes before kickoff. Every moron, every pencil-thin-mustachioed greaseball, and everyone over 400 pounds needs to be captured and carted off in a paddywagon. At the risk of sounding a little too elitist, we cannot afford any mistakes, people!! There will be roughly 10,000 national media types swarming around the game, and the world will be watching. Let's act like we're a somewhat sophisticated city. T.T. If we've said it once, we've said it a thousand times: Indy needs some kind of Stormtrooper-like squandron patrolling all nationally televised functions. The thought of them high-stepping around—in perfect military precision—just calf-roping people out of the masses who they deem offensive to our city's image...well, that's exactly the kind of go-get-'em attitude that'll help transform Indy into a legit second-tier international city (much like Manchester, England or Osaka, Japan). _______________________________________________________________________ If I see Lil Ronnie geting ready to perform outside of the Dome before the Patriots game, what needs to happen? I'm not kidding. T. McClellan After a closed-door discussion, we've decided that swift and decisive action must be taken. (We're not encouraging violent action, mind you...but rather thwarting action.) You'll probably end up going to jail...but you'll do so honorably, with the unbridled respect of an entire city. Because that kid represents everything that is wrong with the Midwest in general—Southside Indianapolis specifically. _______________________________________________________________________ I don't think there could be a more obnoxious group of people than Patriots fans. They are like New Yorkers mixed with Jack Russell Terriers. I think you need to Roundtable that issue. We need answers. Kevin Y. They're probably much like what the UCLA basketball fanbase must have been like back in the '60s. We'll find out years from now that these titles they've won were all just a sham run by some shady pet-store owner in Pawtucket. A house of cards, if you will. _______________________________________________________________________ Any ideas for a banner to bring to the Colts/Patriots game? I'm looking for something that almost gets me kicked out, but not quite. Chad L. "..-. ..- -.-. -.- -.-- --- ..- -. . .-- . -. --. .-.. .- -. -.. !" (Yes, we just spent 10 minutes typing out "F--- you, New England!" in Morse Code. The Nerd Bar has been raised yet again.) _______________________________________________________________________ How many more f#@!#ing time do we need to hear about the Colts leaving Baltimore thing? The national media has me convinced that I need to HATE Indianapolis...and it almost working. And I am a DIE HARD COLTS FAN! WTF? Jason R. Baltimore is eerily like Joe Dirt's estranged parents. Once the Colts went out and made good for themselves, these low-lifes come crawling back into the picture trying to gain some national exposure. Listen here, Crabcakes: Life's a garden, you dig? You got to keep on keepin' on. And that's what the Colts are doing. Leave us alone. _______________________________________________________________________ Does it make me less of a man if I cried a little after Vinatieri nailed that final FG? TJ No. Provided that you didn't say something like "I'm just so happy!" Remember: if you find yourself starting to cry following the Patriots game, immediately shot-gun the nearest beer. People won't know if the tears are from joy, sadness, or the fact that 12 ounces of beechwood-aged goodness are rapidly flooding your sinuses. _______________________________________________________________________ I saw three people at the Colts/Chiefs game wearing a blue Boba Fett shirt. I asked the last guy where he got it and he said he got it from your site. Two questions: where are they and do you offer a discount if I buy a bakers dozen of them? Collin H. The Bob shirts are here. Or you can get them from the triple-amputee drifter we have selling them outside of the Pennsylvania Avenue Parking Garage. Either way, when you wear it, you're telling the world, "I know the capital of Botswana, I enjoy playing 36-hour marathons of online 'Doom,' and I'm a fashionable Colts supporter!" (Not sure if that's good or bad. It just is.) _______________________________________________________________________ The Dome against Kansas City was louder than the 1988 Thunder Drags (presented by Napa Auto Parts). Fantastic peformance by the home crowd, if I don't say so myself. Is there anyway it could have been louder? I'll hang up and listen now. SJC Sure. (1) Replace the Chiefs with the Patriots; (2) move the kick-off back to 6:30 or so (thereby allowing an extra two hours of fierce drinking); and (3) before the Colts are set to get introduced, dim the lights down and catapault dozens of severed heads out of the tunnel just as Bob—riding atop a speeding puma—leads his team onto the field. _______________________________________________________________________ As far as necks are concerned, Merton Hanks is the bizarro Bob Sanders. Lew "Dee Dee," the new African giraffe at the Indianapolis Zoo, already staked that claim. _______________________________________________________________________ Skeeter Barnes is putting together a Chris-Paul-like rookie campaign. The "picking up chicks" angle has changed my outlook on life. (Not really. But I know now not to "Lance Stemler" up a proverbial leaning 22-footer when trying to "seal the deal" with a lady. Makes sense.) Chris B. Adhering to Flipside's hooking-up advice? Just so you know, that's like getting your taxes done at the nail salon/check-cashing place at 71st and Michigan. Beware. _______________________________________________________________________ IU is looking like a juggernaut. They crushed MSU and Purdue and they damn near beat O$U. Admit it ... even though you guys love Sampson, you never thought this would happen so quickly. Chad L. We can't concentrate on that right now. Just know that anyone with a modicum of basketball sense knew that they'd be holding teams to about 13% shooting. The ways of Chief are not mysterious. They are built on a solid foundation of fundamentals and Army Ranger combat drills. _______________________________________________________________________ In your IU/Steven Segal article, I didn''t know whether to laugh or cringe when you call Kelvin Sampson 'Chief'. A bit on the racist side, don't you think? Aside from that, fantastic take on this years Hoosiers. William C. We've been through this: it's a term of endearment and respect and awe. And if his ferocious style happens to conjure up images of the vengeful Coyote God...well, that just adds to the irony. The name stays. _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ |
| February 7, 2007 The special edition Super Bowl Forum...because some things deserve their own page. _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ |