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I read your article about the bedford all-nighter, and obviously you didnt even attent it you silly f---s. Who ever Devon Darrant is, he can eat a d---!  Actually attend the event before you write an article making it look like a f---ing redneck fest.  Most of the people who attend the event are probably 18-25 and everyone parties out there.  get your s--- together you f---s.
—Rodney Root
Email of the Year (2004)
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Dear Rodney,

I was most certainly in attendance for the "Bedford All-Nighter," and your email reinforces the column's accuracy.  For starters, your name is Rodney and you are neither (1) an 85-year-old comedian from the Catskills, nor (2) a Florida State wide receiver.  You put the phrase "everyone parties" in your defense of the event.  I hate to tell you, Rod, but "everyone parties" at Indianapolis Raceway Park as well, but that doesn't make it the Penrod Arts Festival.  And for the record, the world is full of rednecks between the ages of 18 and 25.  How else can one explain the Purdue student section at Ross Ade?  Rodney, I was most definately there.  I was the one who hit a liner off of your can of Skoal.  Only a redneck would think that the "Bedford All-Nighter" was a big enough event that a non-participant would have actually heard of that Bush-League tournament.  Face it, Mr. Root..."Redneck" is your religion and Bedford is your Mecca. 

Thanks for reading Flipside and Happy Thanksgiving.

In Earnhardt We Trust,

Devon Durrant
*The image above is a computer-generated version of what Rodney Root (and his girlfriend) probably look like based on the content of his poorly worded hate-mail.  Unfortunately, though, the computer did not specify which one is Rodney and which one is his girlfriend.  Our apologies.